Introduction:
Dr. Romani's YouTube channel focuses on all things related to narcissism, narcissistic relationships, and toxic behaviors. In this article, we'll explore the nine essential guidelines for those embarking on couples therapy with a narcissistic partner. While the prospect of therapy with a narcissist may seem challenging, it's essential to approach it with awareness and caution.
1. Go in with Open Eyes:
Couples therapy with a narcissist can be complex. Dr. Romani suggests that before entering therapy, individuals should fully understand the dynamics of narcissism and what to expect in the therapy sessions.
2. Avoid Labeling:
One of the first rules to follow is to refrain from directly labeling your partner as a narcissist in therapy. Many therapists may take offense or push back when such labels are used. Instead, focus on discussing specific behaviors or issues you wish to address.
3. Avoid Narcissism Jargon:
Therapists may not be familiar with terms like "gaslighting," "future faking," or "hoovering." It's recommended not to use such jargon in therapy to prevent miscommunication and potential resistance from the therapist.
4. Don't Expect Empathy to Translate at Home:
Narcissists may temporarily display empathy in therapy, but it often doesn't translate into changed behavior at home. Be cautious about raising your hopes based on their therapy behavior.
5. Avoid Creating a List of Wrongs:
Therapy is not the place to list all the wrongs your partner has committed. It can lead to defensive responses and derail the therapeutic process. Instead, focus on discussing the themes or issues you want to work on.
6. No Name-Calling:
Refrain from calling your partner names like "liar" or "cheater" during therapy. Name-calling can escalate tensions and hinder constructive communication.
7. Don't Discuss Other People's Opinions:
Bringing up what friends or family members have said about your relationship can be counterproductive. Therapists prefer to focus on your feelings and experiences rather than third-party opinions.
8. Realistic Expectations:
Understand that most therapists won't recognize narcissistic abuse as a framework for understanding your relationship. They may view both partners as complicit in issues. Manage your expectations accordingly.
9. Address Gaslighting from Therapists:
If a therapist makes gaslighting comments or questions your feelings, consider finding a new therapist. Your therapist should support your feelings and experiences, not invalidate them.
Conclusion:
Couples therapy with a narcissistic partner is a challenging endeavor. While therapy may not magically transform a narcissist, it can serve as a platform to address communication issues. By adhering to these nine do's and don'ts, individuals can navigate couples therapy with greater awareness and hopefully find ways to cope with their narcissistic relationships.